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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28104504">Karma</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_EnotsoLovely/pseuds/J_EnotsoLovely'>J_EnotsoLovely</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>One Piece One Shots and Drabbles [30]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Established Relationship, Irrational thoughts, M/M, Medication, References to Depression</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:54:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28104504</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_EnotsoLovely/pseuds/J_EnotsoLovely</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He could smile for Nami and Robin.</p>
<p>And after Zoro came into his life, it felt like the smiles were gaining substance, becoming real.</p>
<p>At least, that's what he told himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>One Piece One Shots and Drabbles [30]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Karma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were only a few things that Sanji hated.</p>
<p>Really <em>hated.</em></p>
<p>With a passion intense enough to rival god.</p>
<p>Number one on the list being the way Zoro could read him.</p>
<p>Like an open mother fucking book.</p>
<p>Number two being Franky's fucking sensors.</p>
<p>The irritating one that read people's brain waves and emotion and shit.</p>
<p>Normally it wouldn't bother him. Hell half the time he could care less if the damned robot was reading him.</p>
<p>But it was one of <em>those</em> days.</p>
<p>One of <em>those</em> days.</p>
<p>The days where he wondered why he was still here.</p>
<p>Why he was still alive.</p>
<p>Why <em>they</em> weren't.</p>
<p>Then he remembered all of his nakama.</p>
<p>And felt worse for not caring.</p>
<p>It was his own fault. </p>
<p>He'd been dissing his anti-depressants. </p>
<p>Wanted to prove that he was strong enough without them.</p>
<p>And he was.</p>
<p>At first.</p>
<p>He felt like he was being slowly torn apart, drained of everything.</p>
<p>Sanji stared at the pill bottle, the little droplets of happiness inside and felt sick.</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't need it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-</em>
</p>
<p>He <em>really </em>hated Franky's sensors. </p>
<p>They were beyond invasive and completely unnecessary.</p>
<p>The blonde refused to admit that the only reason they bothered him was because he wouldn't be able to hide his sadness.</p>
<p>It wasn't like any of them would care.</p>
<p>
  <em>Them.</em>
</p>
<p>The <em>strangers</em> he worked with. <strike>Forget the fact that he practically owed them his life.</strike></p>
<p>He made sure they wouldn't.</p>
<p>Made himself as unapproachable as possible. <strike>Except to the women, because they were always lovely.</strike></p>
<p>There was no acting needed, no forced smiles.</p>
<p>He was the "hot-headed" delinquent.</p>
<p>Sanji crafted his image that way on purpose.</p>
<p>So that when one of <em>those </em>days came around, no one would be able to tell the difference.</p>
<p>But these damn <em>sensors.</em></p>
<p>"Woah there cook-bro, you seem to have increased levels of Monoamine Oxidase."</p>
<p>The pale teen gritted his teeth.</p>
<p>If he had a fucking dollar for every-time he heard that phrase, back when <em>it </em>happened.</p>
<p>The goddamn therapists who were doing their best to tell him that something was wrong in a nice way.</p>
<p>Their words the mirror he was too scared to look in.</p>
<p>That he ignored.</p>
<p>Pretended wasn't there.</p>
<p>He could smile for Nami and Robin.</p>
<p>And after Zoro came into his life, it felt like the smiles were gaining substance, becoming real.</p>
<p>At least, that's what he told himself.</p>
<p>"Hah? What're you talking about Franky? Monoawhatsit? Speak English."</p>
<p>"You're sad."</p>
<p>The blunt response made Sanji pause. </p>
<p>Maybe for too long, because then Brook spoke up, this gray eyes crinkling in concern.</p>
<p>"My blonde friend, are you alright? Why are you upset?"</p>
<p> <em>Why are you asking me why? </em></p>
<p>Like there was anything he could say to explain it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fine.</em>
</p>
<p>"No worries old man, everything's fine."</p>
<p>The blonde looked around the room, only to see everyone staring back at him, mostly with disinterest.</p>
<p>"What?" He asked, only half joking. "Am I normal or not?"</p>
<p>It was Chopper who responded, his hazel eyes wide and earnest, a tiny smile playing his face.</p>
<p>"Suffice it to say, I think we're all pretty far from normal." </p>
<p>Sanji didn't think he was imagining the despondent note in the kids voice and remembered that Chopper had lost his family too.</p>
<p>The chef always thought that he was forced to grow up early. That he had to become an adult much too soon.</p>
<p>But staring at the boy in front of him made the pale teen realize that his problems were nothing, not compared to everyone else.</p>
<p>He still had a family <strike>not related by blood but who cares</strike>, he had a good paying job. </p>
<p>He had a good life.</p>
<p>And still <em>those </em>days kept coming around.</p>
<p>"Your Serotonin levels have dropped even further." Franky noted with cool indifference.</p>
<p>"Shut up." Sanji growled.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>He slammed the door to his apartment, drained and wanting nothing more than to curl into a ball.</p>
<p>Zoro was working late tonight, so he planned to do exactly that, and let the full extent of his anguish slide over him.</p>
<p>Then ran face first into Zoro's chest.</p>
<p>Sanji knew that it was pointless. His mask was off.</p>
<p>His heart exposed.</p>
<p>And in front of someone like the swordsman, he might as well have been naked.</p>
<p>But he had to try.</p>
<p>"Sup." The chef mumbled, watching as the corner of the other males lips tilted down.</p>
<p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p>
<p>Quickly, he closed the gap between the two if them, hooking his fingers around the other's ears, pulling his head down for a kiss. </p>
<p>He hated it.</p>
<p>How fake it was. The reason why they were locked in this embrace.</p>
<p>Because he was too weak.</p>
<p>Because he wasn't ready.</p>
<p>To confront his problems.</p>
<p>To look in the mirror.</p>
<p>To realize that something was wrong.</p>
<p>"Sanji." </p>
<p>The blonde flinched. Zoro stilled, the surprise evident in his tense muscles.</p>
<p>Even in the worse of situations, Sanji stared down whatever faced him. </p>
<p>He didn't <em>flinch.</em></p>
<p>But this was different.</p>
<p>This was a Sanji that Zoro had never seen before.</p>
<p>This was the him that the chef was scared to show.</p>
<p>The little boy still missing his parents.</p>
<p>Who woke up from nightmares calling for his mother, only to remember.</p>
<p>The him that he wasn't allowed to be anymore.</p>
<p>Because everyone was expecting so much.</p>
<p><em>Too</em> much.</p>
<p>He hadn't realized he was crying until the tears hit his skin, falling in wet, fat plops unto his hands.</p>
<p>And he hadn't realized how alone he felt until arms circled around his waist, pulling him in close.</p>
<p>"When you're ready." Zoro whispered. "You can tell me."</p>
<p>Sanji let out a choked sob, somewhere between a cry and a laugh as he snuggled closer to his boyfriend.</p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p>Maybe one day he'd be ready.</p>
<p>To look in the mirror and face the truth.</p>
<p>To admit that something was wrong.</p>
<p>To stop punishing himself and get help.</p>
<p>To work through it.</p>
<p>That is, if Zoro was with him.</p>
<p>There were only a few things that Sanji hated.</p>
<p>He told himself that it was the way the martial artist could so easily read him.</p>
<p>But the truth was he hated that he made himself so easy to read.</p>
<p>So easy to fall apart.</p>
<p>He tried to mask his cracks with clear tape, thinking that everyone would be blind.</p>
<p>They weren't.</p>
<p>Sanji thought of the way Chopper looked at him, understanding lighting his expression.</p>
<p>Of the way Franky sounded, worried, beneath his cool exterior. </p>
<p>The way Nami's brown eyes shone with sadness, a second before she shut them away.</p>
<p>Of Robin, and how her blue gaze softened just a bit.</p>
<p>He remembered Jinbe, the older man placing a hand on his shoulder as they left the building.</p>
<p>He thought of Brook, wizened and filled with experience and concern.</p>
<p>He thought of Zoro, the fighter, hugging him and promising to wait.</p>
<p>It all hit him, and he understood.</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm so stupid.</em>
</p>
<p>Because he hadn't realized.</p>
<p>Realized all the people who were willing to help him.</p>
<p>The ones who wanted to show him that he wasn't alone.</p>
<p>The ones who gave subtle signs of their support.</p>
<p>The ones who wanted him to know that they gave a fuck.</p>
<p>That they cared.</p>
<p>Whenever he was having one of <em>those </em>days.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yo! Hoped you enjoyed! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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